Thursday, March 30, 2006

Blog-block and Back-blog (Links 4.02.06)

...just making up words here-fun.

Blog-block: Since I'd not posted in over 10 days, I've been queried by many faithful readers--'where you been?', 'you OK?', 'why no posts?' etc. I feel a need to explain and to back-blog (see below). Work has been BS and I get zapped easily by concentrating on it and not much else...even when I'm at home, I don't feel up to much else but contemplating the next days work BS. I've kept a paper log of items to eventually blog about--see back-blog. I've also realized that most of the blog items I want to post are very sad and it's tough to think about/write/post them and conquer the work world at the same time. I was also out of town for 3 days w/o access to post---should I get a Blackberry in order to psot anywhere-anytime--I think not.

Back-blog: I intend to blog about things that have happened in the last two weeks that I did not get a chance to blog about at the time...I will blog them as if it was blogged that day...so they will be interspersed (by those dates) in with the blog posts below...I've linked to the new posts here for ease of access.

3.17.06 - The Dream

3.21.06 - We have some *business* to discuss

3.22.06 - 22nd--joy, sorrow and more sorrow

3.24.06 - Going home for the w/e--Mark & Bone visits

3.25.06 - C-1-2-3...

3.26.06 - Cemetery visits

3.27.06 - Cubs v. Cards

3.28.06 - T-Y's

3.29.06 - Loft Construction

As I sat alone in the house/at the PC on Saturday a.m. to make headway on these 9 past-posts, I put in the music CD that a fellow blogger compiled and sent to me...once again, a real tear jerker. I think I really needed to let it all out, since it's been a long time between quality crys!

A special thanks to those who worried about me during these past few weeks.

5 & 22

Being the #'s guy that I am...I just noticed that:

Today it has been exactly 5 months since I last kissed your forehead goodnight...

This w/e will mark 22 weeks of missing you...


22 is Christine's b'day...come 6/22 she would have been 5--that will be a tough day to endure.

Seeking Peace

I'm not really trying to do the "ABC's of grief" and define Peace...but this is the story.

Yesterday, and the last few weeks, have been a real bear at the office...I find myself doing/acting/saying things I wish did not come out of my mouth. I so looked forward to going to St. Peter's for mass at lunchtime in the loop, then attending the Taize Prayer service at St. Raymond's after work, followed by the CRHP meeting...all these events have become a part of my crazy weeks and it's nice they come in the middle of the week when I need to re-focus and find peace!

Last night at the weekly CRHP meeting, a fellow brother asked 'what's the meaning of peace?'...a few spoke of tranquility, lack of war--as defined in a dictionary, calm etc. He had no idea I was seeking peace after a very frustrating week or so...

Then today...just moments ago, my sister sent me an very timely email card: (she knew a bit of my frustrations lately--and I guess instinctively knew I sought peace)

----
Life gets crazy.

God gives peace.

"...You will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 TLB
----

Thanks to my CRHP brothers and Teresa for showing and guiding me to peace when I really need it.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Loft Construction

St. Mark pre-school will be the first beneficiary of funds from the Christine Mueller Memorial Fund. We received such great monetary support, we've decided to give some back to those who meant a lot to Christine.

Today, the construction of an amish wooden loft (jungle gym-like) took place at St. Mark. We donated funds for the purchase of one for Christine's class room and the school purchased one for the other class room. The school invited us to assist in putting them together during the spring break week. I could not find the strength to participate...C and our friend J, helped out. They say it looks beautiful.

St. Mark's pastor will bless the lofts on Monday, April 3...I will need to somehow muster the strength to attend and face the parents and kids w/o her--I'm in tears just thinking about that moment--damn-it! Her art work still on the walls..............It will be a very tough and touching moment.

Eulogy by Carolyn

Hi, I’m Christine’s Mom. I got this job 4 years ago, back when I was Carolyn. Once Christine started preschool, my name officially changed to "Christine’s Mom". I loved being Christine’s Mom, and Christine made my job super easy. She was the complete package – nice, smart, sweet, friendly, lovable, fun, helpful, giving, thoughtful, and beautiful both inside and out. Strangers would constantly tell me what a beautiful child she was, but they were people who only saw her from the outside. And what is most important and so special and comforting to me now, is that you all saw and knew that her inner beauty far eclipsed her physical beauty.

Christine and I taught and learned from each other. Like when I wanted to take home a ball I found in the street, and Christine told me I couldn’t because it belonged to someone else. I tried teaching her about "stranger danger", but she was so loving and innocent that she didn’t get the concept yet. Often if she had a minor fall or scrap, I encouraged her not to cry and reminded her she was a "tough chick". And although I’m crying right now, I’m sure I can stand up here because she’s encouraging me to be a "tough chick".

A year ago we took Christine to a Super Big Sister class, and she sure embraced the job when Lauren was born. Christine would often tell me how happy she was to have a baby sister, and how lucky we were to have Lauren. She would tell Lauren "you’re so soft and sweet" and "you’re a sweetheart". Christine would sing the Baby Lauren song we made up when Lauren was crabby to help calm her down. And if I was out of the room while they were playing, Christine would yell to me "Lauren’s in trouble" if Lauren was straying from their play area. Christine was the best big sister, and Lauren adored her.

I have never been without seeing, talking, holding, or kissing her this long. And it’s the little things about Christine that I want to remember most, but I’m afraid I’m going to forget the fastest.

She always wanted to be first, declaring "I’m the leader" whether it be up the stairs or out the door. And at dinner, she had to cross herself first before anyone else at the table could start their prayer.

Our bedtime ritual after her bath, snack and teethbrushing would be to read a story, and then have me talk about our fun day. "Fun Day", as we called it, was a sequenced account of what happened during the day. Then she wanted me to cradle her in my arms and sing "Rock-a-Bye Baby" before I tucked her into bed.

As I’m writing this it’s been 4 nights since I talked to you about "fun day", and there has been absolutely nothing fun about the past 4 days. But Christine, you sure made the past 4 years the most fun years of my life.

It is surreal to know that you’re gone, because there are reminders of you everywhere. Help me make it through and understand why you are gone. You are my best friend, I love you so much, and I miss you terribly. Thanks for making it such a joy to be Christine’s Mom.

Blog-ette


Life is hectic, work is worse...not much time to blog.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

T-Y's

Tonight was one of the toughest night's yet...it hurts now just thinking of it.

C has, for a while now, been done writing the many thank you notes for the flowers, memorial donations, masses, perpetual prayers, food gifts, angel/statue gifts etc. that we have received in the weeks after Christine's death.

It's been ME stalling the progress of getting them mailed...first, it seems like another door closing in my face--so final. Second, we wanted to include pictures of Christine with a special memorial saying on the back...so it was up to me to take those pics and put the Word documents together so we could print them out---it was/is still so difficult for me to even look at a picture of her perfect face...somehow I was able to get it set up so that we could properly thank the many many people who have done so much for us.

THANK YOU ALL!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Cubs v. Cards

A classic rivalry for sure.

As I ate lunch with Bone last week, he mentioned that he and Chris wanted to come up some Sunday soon, just to visit, go out to eat etc.

I thought to myself that would be a very long day (over 400 miles travel) for these guys…there are so many things to do around here—I’d have to investigate options.

As I was walking from the train to the office this morning, I ran into Birinder…president of another engineering consulting firm. We’ve worked together on projects for the Tollway in the past. We chatted about business for a bit and he asked, after noting my Bulls hat, ‘Do you like the Bulls, how about the Cubs?’ I said I had Bulls tix when they were good and that I love Wrigley Field especially when the Cardinals are in town. He then offered me his 4 field box seats for a Sunday (opening w/e) game – Cubs v. Cards…perfect! I could ask Bone and Chris if that would be a good Sunday event … they said great and now we pray for decent April weather in Chicago! God certainly was *hooking me up* with these tix…let’s get hooked up with at least 50’s and no rain.

Thank you Lord for plopping this right in my lap…you work in many mysterious ways.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Cemetery visits

On Sunday (& Friday afternoon) I visited the Calvary & Oak Ridge Cemeteries.

In Calvary, I visited my Grandparents and other departed friends and relatives. As I walked up the hill to see my friends mothers grave...I walked by many other graves of people I knew from my days in Springfield that have passed away in the last 5 years--a true sign that I am getting older.

Said a prayer for them all...
Don, Larry, Peter, Brian, Dick, Calendrino's, Georges, Wildersons...

Paul and I visited the Home of the Friendless site that he's been helping to update the Memorial--it will be beautiful.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

C-1-2-3...

...together once again. Mark(C-1) and Mike(C-3), long time friends wanted to get together since we've talked about doing it every year for the last 20...and so we finally spent some quality time together--and I greatly appreciate the time that they spent with me away from their families and busy lives--thanks guys!

Oh-but what stays in Springfield, happens in Springfield...(a little dyslexia saying)

Edited summary:
Lunch--mexican, excellent of course--Mike, thanks for buying.

Combat Air Museum visit--great time and great to see the passion in Mike and his love of flying...thanks for the personal tour and for sharing your passion with us.

Quick flight to Vegas...nice!

Home--enjoying the fun house that is Mike's home! Played some arcade games, ping-pong, and just *shot* the bull. I owe you a few bucks for the broken fluorescent light...and now I know where I'll go when the end of the world is near. Mike--thanks so much for sharing your home with us and special thanks to K and the kids for vacating for the day.

Dinner--the 911 and 912 sandwich-excellent. Mark, Thanks for treating.

M & M --Thanks for taking the time!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Going home for the w/e--Mark & Bone visits

This is the day I would try to put aside my hurt and suffering to comfort a friend.

I awoke at 6 a.m., jumped in Eins 1 and headed south to Springfield…wondering what to say, what to do when I got into town---to sit with Mark during his 3rd chemo drip. I knew I wanted to help him pass the time with talk of survival, positive attitude and faith.

About 1/2 way down, I began to listen to Christine's funeral mass...such great music and homily by Fr. Bernie. It's the second time I listened to it on a trip to Springfield...I did stop short of listening to the family eulogies this time. I recall I did not cry much the first time, just weeks after the funeral...this time was a bit different...do they make windshield wipers for the eyes?

I arrived in downtown Springfield at 9:30, ran into the building to use the restroom, came down the stairs to walk into the clinic just as Mark walked in ahead of me--what timing from 210 miles away. He'd already had a tough morning...his son got sick in the car and his neighbor forgot to pick him up to take him to the drip...so he was running about 40 minutes late and feeling lousy...time to spin the positive.

As he got *hooked-up*, we sat and talked about nothing and everything...T's 10 year survival, sports, his kids, bad chemo affects, etc. Through out the drip session, his friends stopped in to do the same...just sit with him to talk. Was great to see the support he has all around him.

I told Mark this story about timing, attitude and survival:

On Wednesday, as I drove to a wake, I thought I knew where the FH was. I turned left, where I had a strong feeling I should turn right...as I drove left, not seeing the FH, I turned around and back tracked to the FH--should have turned right...But, as I was listening to the P&E radio station as I took the little tour of town, I heard something I would not have if I had driven right to the FH. A news item quoted a study that had just been completed in Northern IL, that notes a Dr. can predict within 88%, the 5-year survivors of cancer based on their attitude and faith. Seems like I was destined to hear that information and pass it along to Mark 2 days later.

At lunch, I ducked out to have lunch/fish at the American Legion with Bone/Duane--an old grade school friend. We chatted about some old times and he shared some of his struggles, friends struggles, friends support and other tid-bits with me...DD-thanks for sharing with me and thanks for treating. Was great to see you and reconnect.

He mentioned that he and Chris wanted to come to up to visit me on a Sunday sometime soon...see 3.27.06 post.

After lunch, back to the clinic to visit with Mark and his wife...mentioned to them that they need to do whatever it takes to get well...take charge of your treatment/healing process--and they are. I left Mark about 2 o'clock after the drip and wished him well the remainder of the w/e and early next week when the chemo kicks in.

Mark--you have such a great attitude and outlook--you'll beat this bastard and win! Know that I'm here for you in whatever capacity you need...I continue to pray for you daily--Peace.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

22nd--joy, sorrow and more sorrow

Today was my Dad's 71st birthday and Christine's 4.75 birthday...should be a joyous occasion to celebrate a good long life for Dad--yet I reflect back to his 70th when we all celebrated a nice lunch together and how much fun Christine had that day...we all had so much fun, yet now the sorrow and crying begins.















The 2nd sorrow is for our dear friend Janice's Aunt who passed away this week. Her wake was this evening and it brought back to the surface the feelings of loss and pain-seen in a family who so loved their Mother, Aunt, sister-in-law...J and I looked at the pictures of her life, J recalling the good days, the things her Aunt did with her...she will be so missed.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

We have some *business* to discuss

When I hear those words from C, somehow I know it won't be pleasant business. She mentioned it to me after dinner, before she gave Lauren her bath…so I wondered what it could be.

After she put Lauren down, she came over with a brochure of headstone samples/ideas etc…OH CRAP! It started out fine--business...she’d done enough research that she had an idea of the options she wanted. We reviewed the graphics (angels, crosses etc), the font type, the stone color, the wording….then just seeing her name written on paper in a rectangle/headstone shape put me over the edge…how can we be sitting there picking out a headstone for such a perfect little angel---OH CRAP again—so damn hard!

I don’t wish this pain upon my worst enemy…damn, damn, damn. Just another brutal reminder of the pain and suffering that continues. Picking it out seems so final, like another door is being closed in my face…Can't bear to think about the day it is laid at her grave.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Rock, Hope...Survivor

My *baby* sister Teresa is an amazing woman...those of you who know her probably already know this...but let me remind you why.

This past week, she became a 10-year survivor of stage 4 breast cancer. I recall that day-3.15.96...one of the saddest days in my life and my whole family's life. In these past 10 years she has shown us all that she is a true survivor, never really complaining or saying poor me. She battles with such grace, such hope and such courage. She has endured countless radiation treatments, chemo-therapy, stem cell replacement, hormone therapy, chemo and many other pills/drugs. She has shown me, and especially others with a terminal illness, that there is hope. She/we've stopped asking why but rather focus on the future and survival.

C made a spectacular meal last night for Teresa/Scott/us to celebrate...we drank and toasted with champagne...we visited and we laughed...her laugh is infectious. It warms my heart to hear that precious laugh.

T/Tess/piece/Teresa --you are my rock and inspiration! We're all here to see you through the next 10 years. I love you.

ABC's of Grief..."C" -V

I must step back and define a few more C-words...

C: Christ...The Lord our Savior and part of the Holy Trinity--that's the standard definition, but there is so much more. Christ is in the people all around me--more than Trinity--it's infinity. I see Him almost daily in the family and friends in my life. When someone allows me to cry on their shoulder, when somene shoots me a quick little 'how are you today-thinking of you' email, when someone takes the time to support me in some small way w/o evening knowing it, I know that Christ is there... This past w/e some neighbors invited me over for a little St. Patty's Day cheer...the evening was full of laughs, sharing of fun stories and ends with a review of Christine's beautiful funeral and many tears...only friends that have Christ in them would be able to ride that roller coaster. I thank them all for being Christ to me.

C: Comfort...solace in time of grief, to ease physically. Sure, it's both of these, but also it's the ease of a crushed spirit a broken heart. Those St. Patty's Day friends gave such comfort to me w/o really knowing it...a subtle hug, a laugh, a wink, a tear--all brought comfort to a grieving father--thanks Chris, Rob, Nor, Tony and Matthews. Of course, I seek comfort in Psalm 34:18.


C: Christine...Angel on earth--missed every moment of every day.

Friday, March 17, 2006

The Dream

Today...as I was putting on my coat, ready to head out the door to work, C says 'I just had my first dream about Christine.' C had gotten up early in the a.m. to comfort Lauren-they laid together on the couch as they both fell asleep...that’s when she had the dream.

I stopped what I was doing and listened to her quick summary of the dream—said she saw Christine and talked to her. I began to cry and hug her on my way out the door to the train. I cried as I rode my bike to the train. Later this morning, C emailed me a Word file of more details of the dream…I still have not read it (4.01.06)—sorry C! I guess I now know how you felt putting off reading my blog. It’s just too damn hard to do right now—I’ll find the right time.

As I’ve noted before, as I fall asleep each night, I do say goodnight to Christine and say a few prayers, Hail Mary, Our Father…then I try to think of something else so that I can fall asleep…so I guess I kind of try not to dream about her…and so I have not to date. I know that day will come. In the meantime, I look forward to experiencing many more God-incidences—thanks Tini.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Eulogy by Grandma P.

My darling Christine:

It is with a very heavy and broken heart that I must say goodbye to you.

It was my privilege to be present at your birth and you immediately stole my heart. My only regret was that your grandfather and granny were not here to see you. By now I’m sure they have welcomed you and are getting acquainted with your charming ways.

I have so many fond memories of you. Mostly I will remember how you liked to visit me, especially overnight, when we could do "girl things" like test all my lotions and colognes. When I look out my window down on the swimming pool I can still see you frolicking in the water and enjoying the nearby playground. You never tired of hearing the same stories or watching the same Disney videos. One of my great pleasures was shopping for you. You had a very special personality and brought your radiance with you everywhere. You were beautiful inside and out. Nothing will ever be the same without you. You will remain close to me in my heart forever.

Sleep well my sweet little Christine. You were truly God’s gift.

Your loving but very sad Grandma.

(As read by Lynn)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

ABC's of Grief..."D"

D: Despair ... a few weeks back now when Fr. Michael was in town from St. Ann's Parish, I mentioned that he gave a great homily at the masses that w/e. I noted that the homily touched me in many ways...well, I emailed him and asked him for a copy of his homily notes so that I could revisit those many ways. He was kind enough to send it and I'd like to share a piece of it:

---
Last week I received an email from a woman religious who is an intimate friend and former colleague. She was concerned about how I was coping with posttraumatic stress in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. She too felt a little humor might serve as a good anti-depressant.

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening.

Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.

As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamppost below.

Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it.

She got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him.

The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, he went off down the street.

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her.

She went down, and found the stranger waiting.

Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

"What's this?" she asked.

"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied.

" ’Don't Despair’ paid 80-to-1."
---

Despair: to lose all hope...it would be real easy to do that now...wallow in sorrow, cry all day, medicate all day, drink all day---I can't do that and survive. There will be a better day tomorrow...tomorrow may not be next week-it may not come until I meet my maker--but that's ok. I will not live a life of despair.

ABC's of Grief..."C" -IV

C: Control...I have been thinking about this word for some time now. As a male, a German, the oldest kid in the family and an engineer--I like/love to have/be in control. As the Gemini in me says, I'm either in control or not--it's one or the other.

In the early hours of 10.30.05, I've determined that I was not in control...God was. C and I were doing all we knew we could to comfort and care for Christine. We vowed not to beat ourselves up about what-ifs...but of course I think about that often. I'm now beginning to be comforted in knowing we did all we could, but God was in control that morning, not me or C.

It makes me wonder and ponder how much control I have at all. I do have control over my daily actions...but how much is predetermined or controlled by others or God. I will continue to reflect on who's in control...

I was just about to click "Publish Post" and I hear this on the radio..."Ultimately God is in control"---guess that says is all.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

3.11 Mass

Another mass at St. Ray's for Christine...went with the S-I-L/B-I-L...no tears or welling up. 19 weeks in to the new journey.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Eulogy by Auntie Sandy

To My Niece, Christine Emily Mueller

With Love, Auntie Sandy

There is so much to say about someone who deeply touched the lives of our family. When your parents announced your upcoming arrival, the rest of the family was ecstatic. A beautiful baby shower was given in your honor. A month later we shared the joy of your birth. Your mother and father were such proud parents! We all wanted to hold and carry you. We enjoyed watching you grow and develop that first year. You had the most impressive collection of sophisticated toys that even I had to try turning them on and off. When you and your parents temporarily moved in with Grandma Peska due to the second floor addition on your home, I was fortunate to see you at Sunday Mass. You slept through most of it but woke up at the end and always gave me the cutest smiles.

By the time you were one year old, you were able to walk. You were more interested in ripping the wrapping paper off the gifts. You had a blast sitting inside a fairly large gift box and looking out at the rest of us.

When moving back into your remodeled home, I remember you taking me around the house. You could not talk, but led me from room to room. When we went into your parent's room, you jumped on their bed, walked into the glass shower, opened up their mini refrigerator and took out your sippie cup which was next to your mother's bottle of champagne and your father's beer.

You were always laughing around the ladies in the family until the men walked into the room. The size and height of your cousins Scott and Ross and Uncle Bob were intimidating at first. They would crouch down to your level and talk very gently to you. When looking through the picture albums, you were blowing bubbles outside on Easter Sunday with Scott and Ross and feeling very comfortable with them. After dinner, your mother had you pass out little gifts to each person. At first you were confused between Auntie Donna and myself and Scott and Ross, but knew everyone by name the following year.

Pink was your favorite color and would always point to my pink polished toenails. Smelling different perfumes was another favorite pastime.

One weekday afternoon, your mother brought you to my house in order to meet your father at a U of I alumni gathering. After a day of teaching I really just wanted to put Q feet up, relax, and drink a cup of coffee. From the moment you came until your mother picked you up four hours later, I was constantly on the go with you. We had to check out the workmen in my backyard. Together we peeled ever picture in its proper spot in the brand new workbook you had brought. We repeatedly looked at the picture album of your recent family trip to the Cayman Islands while you gave me descriptions of each picture, especially the one of the beach house. In order for me to rest, I turned on the animal station for you to watch. You started closing your eyes, and then Ross came home from class. You jumped up and wanted to follow him downstairs, of course with me by your side. We must have checked up on Ross at least three more times together before your mother came for you.

The best times were the past two summers swimming at Grandma Peska's condo pool. After watching you jump in and out with your assortment of water toys, we would walk back to Grandma's condo, change clothes, and get ready for lunch. While your mother was preparing your lunch that looked like a presentation from Bon Appetite Auntie Donna and I would have you on the living room rug doing various gymnastic moves and stretches. When asking us to do them with you, we two aunts looked like a comedy routine. We all had our places at Grandma's table and would have great conversations, which always made you smile. You always faced the balcony so that an immediate spotting of the visiting cardinal or squirrel could be reported. Grandma loved you very much, and you were right at home taking afternoon naps in her bed.

Because we had few toys, it was the little things that your loved at the Bosy home. You always went for the bag of stuffed animals on the bookshelf. Your favorite was the one Uncle Bob bought you that would say, "Help me, help me" when dropped. Putting the different colored Mardi Gras beads on was another activity. On the refrigerator door were two play panic buttons that would sound an alarm, again, courtesy of Uncle Bob. After constantly pushing the alarms, along with the third toy, an alien button eerily saying "Take me to your leader", everyone would chase you out of the kitchen for a brief moment of silence. Uncle Bob, Scott, and Ross would take turns carrying you out onto the deck to see what was cooking on the grill. This past summer Uncle Bob bought you a little glass that changed colors when filled with milk. When coming over for dinner a few weeks later, you remembered the glass, went downstairs, found it, and brought it up for dinner.

I loved shopping for you since I have sons. Beautiful dresses, coats, pant sets, and shorts sets were picked out with care. You knew that Auntie Donna and I loved looking at your clothes. The two of us would sit on the floor in your bedroom as you brought out the clothes, lying them on your bed one by one. Your closet was filled with everything imaginable.

When coming to your house in summer, the two of us would look at the garden that you and your father had planted. You got so excited when the tomatoes had turned red and were ready to be picked.

A year ago Mother's Day, you announced to the rest of the family that your mother was expecting your sister, Lauren. Everyone was wondering how you would react to another sibling in the house. You were the most loving and caring big sister. When anyone held Lauren, you were always right there talking to her and kissing her. You were the center of her world. She laughed at your presence and was always eagerly watching you. Many times you were the only one that could comfort her.

Your mother and father were the best, loving parents that any child could have. You knew and expressed it by being kind, gentle, and the best-behaved four-year-old I have ever seen. You loved being around family members, always smiling and laughing.

Now Grandpa Peska, Uncle John, Grandma Kutzendorfer, and Great-Grandma Peska are taking care of you. Words can not express how you have touched everyone's lives. We will miss you beyond expression. Help guide Lauren through her years of growing.

Until later, my angel.
Love, Auntie Sandy
Uncle Bob
Scott & Ross

Sunday, March 05, 2006

So close...and a nice musical evening

At 5:15 mass last night, I almost made it through w/o a tear or tearing up...then the closing song--a little tearing up.

Lead Me, Guide Me

It's not that I'm trying to hold back tears or sorrow...it's just an observation that the mass affects me differently every week...this week it came at the end. That song has always been touching to me--now, more so, that I read/sing/listen to the words.

--
After mass, C & I went to see a new CRHP brother/Johnny B. sing and play piano at a local restaurant...was very very nice. People with such talents amaze me--so gifted. I gave him a Mr. O CD to thank him for the music and he gave me his latest CD...very nice. We ran into the Spieks clan and that was nice--celebrating a b'day there. They, fellow P-towners, enjoyed the music of Johnny too.

After dinner, we continued the musical evening and headed to a local Irish Pub to see our neighbor play bass in an 80's cover band...have never heard *quiet* Marty play...he was jamming in his *musical element*. Was nice to see! I gave him a Mr. O CD as well to thank him for the music. Half our neighborhood was there to support Marty...was so nice to see and talk to all of them...once again--what great neighbors we have.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

PRAYER: for-to-with...and various types

What does prayer mean? what does it do, for you? What types of prayer are there?

If, as some read this and think I'm writing about you, maybe I am, maybe it's someone else...I've spoken to many people about prayer lately, so don't think I'm *calling you out* on this...many people share each of these descriptions.

I pray often...always have, but now it's different. I would often stand in the shower, before work, and say a thankful prayer-that I had such a great family and home. I would not just pray for things, people but often of thanks. This topic is so deep & I'm barely scratching the surface of the subject matter, but wanted to share a few items.


C & I really had no time to pray for Christine's health...she was taken so fast. I do pray that she's enjoying life in heaven. I have not really prayed with her since she's been gone, but would often help her say her prayers before bed.

This past week at a CRHP meeting, Steve led the group in silent prayer...just envisoning God's being...not praying for anything but rather just being in his presence....was moving.

As I noted this week, I've promised so many people that I'd keep them in my daily prayers, I thought it best to share that list with ALL for various reasons...so I started a 2nd blog.





My goal is multi-fold: I'm hoping to be able to figure out how to make this blog interactive so others can add their prayers to the list...and so that others can pray for these people as they see fit.

Friday, March 03, 2006

The damn Curve Ball...

It's March Madness time and I'm talking baseball?...N0-not really!

On Monday, I received some sad news (within 30 minutes of each other) regarding the health of two close friends of mine....

My good *spiritually connected* friend Sods says she's ok today...but we still pray for your health.

My good bud Mark needs the mother load of prayers and support now. Mark--you know I'm here for you and I'll see you real soon! Until then, you are in my daily prayers.

Friday:
And now, the longer I wait to post this, I get more sad news...a close friend and neighbor has recurring health issues with her young daughter. Chris--know that we are praying for you as well & we'll see you one way or another this w/e.

We'll keep ALL of you in our daily prayers.

I've promised so many people that we'll pray for them, and sadly the list gets longer...so, I'm in the process of addressing that...stand-by.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Ema...

...simply...you are missed!

by family...
by friends...
by neighbors...
by classmates...
by those who never met you...
by so many...

Thank you for being a new friend to my sweet Christine.