Eulogy by Auntie Donna

Dearest Christine,

Hola!

There has always been excitement involving your life. It started before you were born. Your father created an internet web site, which included a poll if you were going to be a girl or boy. There were also ultrasound pictures of you.

The day we found out you were "On the Way" was Christmas Day, 2000. Your parents gave Grandma Peska a picture frame with a picture of a baby with an approximate due date, signed Baby Mueller.

Uncle Mel and I met you for the first time the day after you were born. We noted how your very dark hair reminded us of when your cousin Melissa was born.

Since Melissa is all grown up now, I have thoroughly enjoyed shopping for "little girl" clothes and toys for you. You have always been happy with even the little things we did. One of my favorite things to do with you is walk to the park. While you are riding your bike, I walk my dog Jordan. Even though you have always been afraid of Jordan, we have fun, hooking him up to a tree, then you and I get on the airplane, you are the pilot and I am the passenger, and we fly to the beach house. Then we swim and run in the pretend water. Your favorite playground piece of equipment, the slide, also gets used a lot!

I am so thrilled that you have had so many happy hours playing kitchen with the kitchen set and food and dishes. We made a lot of yummy coffee, tea and pies.

Christine-----you have gone from "Baby Christine" to "The Toddler", to "The preschooler". You have been a huge star that has shone in our lives.

I will be forever grateful that I got to spend some time with you on your last day with us. On Saturday, you, Baby Lauren, and your mother came to my house trick or treating. You were wearing your beautiful purple princess costume that your mom made.

I am also thankful that I made one of your favorite meals for lunch, tacos.

Your cousin Rick knocked over your mom's margarita when I asked him to turn the pumpkin around on the dining room table for you to see. What a mess to clean up! The floor is still sticky! Thank goodness the cleaning crew is coming on Thursday.

Christine, the one thing I will always remember is the last thing you and I did together -----playing with the owl and penguin puppets that I gave you and Baby Lauren for Halloween.

I certainly hope Lauren likes Grandma Peska's pool as much as you do, so I can play motor boat with her, like I do with you. Aunt Sandy, you and I had a lot of fun playing Duck, Duck, goose. You were the "silly goose"

Even though you have the Mueller genes for your looks, you did inherit an important Peska trait ---- the sense of smell and sniffing. That is why you like to put on cologne and lip gloss so much!

Christine, when you meet your Grandpa Peska and Great Grandma Kutzendorfer in Heaven, they certainly are going to enjoy playing puzzles, drawing, reading books, and playing board games with you.

Christine, you have been such a joy to the Alexander family. You are just like a daughter and sister to us.

We love you forever,
Adios,
Aunt Donna, Uncle Mel, cousins Melissa and Rick

Past few days summary

Thursday-another sign: We received a book in the mail this past week, from a friend who lost her sister Jennifer last year. I began to read Angel on Board on the train this week…as I sat on the train reading it on the way home I had to close the book and take a deep breath!

L-S-S (long story short), a husband/father Martin dies and is an angel in heaven and is trying to figure out *gifts* to give his family that he left behind, on the day of his funeral. He decides he wants to *re-give* his wife the Valentine's Day card from the previous year! He has to figure out how to get it to stick out of a pile of papers in her bedroom so she will see it the day of the funeral....sound familiar? As a fellow CRHP brother shared with me about another incident, he says “As a fellow CRHP brother says, "There's no such thing as coincidences, only God-incidences."” I like that.

Friday-Visitation: Early on, in this grief journey, I noted that I would probably not go to the cemetery much/regularly. After a field visit with a client, I stopped by this day...it is adjacent to the trail project I'm designing---I can't not stop. C & I had only been to visit on Christmas. I first went to visit my F-I-L and G-ma Kutz. I had not been in years and took me a bit to find them…said a few prayers and went to do the same at Christine’s grave. Shed a few tears, but not many since I do that everywhere and anywhere…

Saturday-A single tear: At 5:15 mass last night, I noticed that I was not crying at the beauty of the music/songs or Gospel reading/homily...then came The Liturgy of the Eucharist. As I truly listed to Fr. Bernie, I began to well up and a single tear ran down my right cheek. Not certain what it may mean…but it is significant—I do know that.

After mass I saw/said hi to a few fellow CRHPer’s…wonder how many times I walked passed them in the last 15 years. Not anymore…they are my brother’s—very nice!

Our assistant pastor Fr. Phil will be moving on to become pastor at another parish. He was the first priest I spoke to on the morning of 10.30.05 and was part of the CRHP Team…I’d just gotten to know him and now he’s gone. As I sat and read the bulletin, I read about two priests that would assist in his absence. Knowing that I’d be missing Fr. Phil, God sent in an old friend. Fr. Mick, my old HS teacher, and friend that I spoke to in the weeks after Christine’s death, will be assisting with w/e masses…excellent! Will be nice to see him regularly...

Ash Wednesday...(just a week away)

...the first day of Lent.

What does that really mean? As I read somewhere, Ash Wednesday is a day for remembering one's mortality...'Remember, man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.'

This year, this really hits home...after the death of my precious Christine, I reflect on my mortality weekly. During Lent, Christians typically abstain/fast/give up something important to them or do something of importance...this Lenten season will be different than all others.

In the past, I've typically abstained from drinking alcoholic beverages. Well, since 10.30.05, I've abstained from drinking beer...almost 3 times the Lenten season of 40 days. I recall the years when it was so difficult not to drink on the train ride home, or at home, not to mention in social situations. Now, it's not even a temptation...weird. I recall a friend asking me why I've not had any beer since that day...I'm not exactly certain, but I think it has to do with joy and letting loose.

I know a friend who says the Rosary every day during Lent. He has a little Rosary ring that he holds in his hand as he's walking to/from work and it keeps track of the prayers. Since 10.30.05, I've been praying daily...saying the Our Father and Hail Mary many times a day.

So, what do I do this year? Since I've been living a Lenten type life for almost 17 weeks, what to do? Just seems like I should be doing more...I would like to go to mass each day, but I'm not certain that is possible with work schedule--but will investigate.

I spoke to my brother a few weeks back and he provided this list of fasting ideas...

from an article by Fr. Charles Faso, O.F.M called "The Joy of Lent"

1. "Fast from suspicion and feast on truth"
2. "Fast from complaining and feast on appreciation"
3. "Fast from judging others and feast on Christ within others"
4. "Fast from idle gossip and feast on purposeful silence"
5. "Fast from anger and feast on forgiveness"
6. "Fast from discouragement and feast on hope"
7. "Fast from worry and feast on trusting God"
8. "Fast from unrelenting pressures and feast on unceasing prayer"
9. "Fast from lethargy and feast on enthusiasm"
10. "Fast from emphasizing the differences and feast on the unity of life"
11. "Fast from thoughts of illness and feast on the healing power of God"

What are you *doing* for Lent? How are you preparing for Easter?

Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP)

This past w/e I attend CRHP (pronounced Chirp) at my Parish, St. Raymond de Penafort Church. The Parish bulletin defines the Men's CRHP as 'A formation process in which men gather to share those things that are important to their lives: spiritual, social and personal.'

As I mentioned in a previous post, 'I’ve wanted to attend this w/e now for the last two years, but because of work commitments, I’ve not been able to take the time.’ Recently, a woman mentioned to us that she had attended one and that the w/e that one attends a CRHP is the one they were destined to attend. So TRUE...

During the w/e I often wondered if I had attended back in ‘04 or ‘05, what would I be feeling and reacting to? I was also wondering if anyone attending was thinking that I was attending because Christine died and I was seeking comfort or insight into that from this w/e…This w/e was surly different in ‘06 than it would have been for me in ‘04 or ‘05. It of course had a greater impact today.

What did this w/e mean to me--well...it's hard to describe, unless you've been to one or something similar. It's kind of a male bonding w/e with fellow parishioners, sharing life stories and discussing how God plays a role in our lives...very uplifting and renews your faith in God and people. The mantra for the w/e is similar to a trip to Vegas…*what’s done/said in Vegas stays in Vegas.* So, I’ll not get into specifics, but it’s a very enlightening experience to hear the witness speakers stories and then affirm them after their talk.

As I thought about it last night, my blog here is kind of a witness to my life’s experience (at least from 10.30.05 on) and the peeps that comment, affirm that.

Speaking of affirming, I’m personally calling all those peeps who took the time to be apart of my w/e in a very special way…you all know who you are…you read my pain, you share my sorrow and joy, you affirm my life…

Special Thanks to: C/L, M/D, Paulie, Tess, Linner, DJA, Sandra, C-1, J, Lynnie, S/J, Sods, BFA, Phil, Bone, DV, DC, Mike, Craig and Jacki. Your kindness will not be forgotten.

Patty, Pat and Cindy...You'll be missed!

Today, I knew friends or family that attended one of these three funerals...a sad morning for sure.

10:00 a.m., Patty A. Tapocik (46)...worked at my friends IL State Fair corn dog stand. Never knew her but saw her hand me a corn dog every year. Sandy, I know you'll miss her dearly.

11:00 a.m., Patrick A. Maestranzi (36)...brother of a co-worker. Never knew him, but know Matt well. I went to the wake last night--that's another blog post/entry. Matt, what a touching wake service, a tremendous loss.

12 noon, Cynthia Susan Stults (56)...acquaintance of my parents, best friend of my mothers very good friend. Never knew her, but know her best friend. Linda, you were her angel on earth.

Not certain why I decided to post this about people I don't know at all, but guess I just wanted to say they'll be missed. The Big C *Cancer* got the best of all three of these great people--may they rest in peace with the good Lord.

All of their family and friends need to heed Psalm 34:18--yesterdays post.

Psalm 34:18

Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

This was quoted to me by a good friend shortly after Christine died...and happened to be the Psalm reading in my One-Year-Bible readings yesterday.

Thank you CP!

M

Ground is broken

From one mans idea to breaking ground...well done Paul...this is something to be very proud of!!

Link to SJ-R story about Paul's project.

Valentine's Day w/o you?

As far as *big dates* go, I would not have listed today as one of them. C & I have never really done much for it, and we've been blessed with sharing it with Christine only a few times. I think last year was the first year she understood it…preschool and all. This a.m., a friend told me that she was very sad today because she would always share Valentines with her kids and she misses her lost son. So I began to think twice about the day. I had absolutely no apprehension leading up to today at all, like I did approaching Christmas. Then...

Yesterday, I was cleaning up the many piles of magazines/papers etc. that has been shuffled from the living room to the office/den since 10.30.05. We've saved things like the newspaper headlines from special days (We have a new Pope/Sox Win WS) for time capsules etc…and I get way too many engineering trade magazines…So, I finally broke down to weed through a single pile of about 6 to choose from.

As I created new piles from the one pile---keep, toss, take to work---I came across the one and only valentine Christine ever made/drew for me…I did not feel like crying that moment, so I left it there under the keep pile and moved on to whittle down that pile. Tonight, I pulled it out after dinner, looked at it quickly, put it on the piano and began to cry a bit as I shared it with C…but now I’m crying even more just thinking about it--—just got back from holding it, reading it and crying------------DAMN!!!!!!

It’s been in a pile for 364 days and then it appears to me the day before Valentines Day…damn eerie. I know Christine had a hand in leading me to it, even though I was not looking for it.

Thank you Christine for the love you’ve shown me today…I love you so much.

Daddy

15 weeks vs. 15 days

CEM: As the 15th week without you has just ended, I reflect back on the start of this blog when it was day 15... Seven times the 15 days---can that really be possible.

I'm still so damn sad and lost without you but the hurt is somehow different. Not certain how to explain it, but those who've experienced this, Mark, Craig, Patty, you know what I mean. I continue to seek answers to questions, so many questions, not knowing if there will be answers.

Christine, I love you, I miss you and I'm so sorry we've lost you!!!!

Daddy

PS: The ILLINI are having a hard time winning without you cheering 'Go Illini #1!'

True Suffering

Movie review of The Passion of the Christ.

Tonight, I gathered an intimate group of peeps together who have wanted to watch this movie for sometime now, but for various reasons have not (except for my sis who saw it at the theater). These peeps are very close friends, read/comment on this blog and wanted to share the experience of watching it with me/others, and I'm truly grateful to them for wanting to do so.


We all arrived at the lovely Batavia Basement Theater (BBT) about 5:20 p.m. to watch and share... but first we ate some za and visited a bit. Was nice to gather different groups of friends for this event.

After the movie, we shared thoughts...and discussed details.

My thoughts:
Very moving, powerful visual depiction of the last 12 hours of our Savior's life...a must see for all Christians who care to feel and understand a bit of the pain He suffered for us. It is much more powerful than going to your local church's Stations of the Cross.

Many, many people have told me they do not want to see it, and I respect their opinion. Excuses vary from, 'I do not want to see the gore', to much more personal reasons. I really don't buy the 'gore' excuse...for those (2-3) scenes, one can just look away or close your eyes. The main theme is obviously the pain He suffered for us, but there is much more to the movie than just gore. I hope that those who care enough to see it, will get past the gore and watch a great movie...I plan to watch it every year before Lent/Easter. It really sets the tone for Lent...my personal suffering pales in comparison.

I know that Lent is a few weeks off, but in a way, I think our preparation for Lent began tonight...at least for me--I will not speak for others.

Once again, thanks to those who came out and thanks to N/B for hosting...was a very special evening. Next time, Monty Python's, The Life of Brian.

ACB'c of Grief..."C" -III

C: Coincidence or Sign...I've noted many instances in this blog about what I believe to be signs from above...vs. just a pure coincidence. I do realize that my *God* senses are heightened, but I will now share yet another sign that gives me (and others) the chills.

In preparation for my viewing of the movie The Passion of the Christ, over the last two days, I've been reading the last few Chapters of each of the 4 Gospels. These Chapters detail the gathering for the Last Supper through the Crucifixion and Resurrection. Just this a.m., my normal daily reading of the Bible has me re-reading Matthew 26...the start of the Last Supper preparation.

As I read the 4 depictions of the Last Supper, I thought back on the picture/painting my grandmother had in her living room of the Last Supper. My brother now has that picture hanging in his dinning room. For a while now, I was thinking that would be a nice image to have in my dinning room as well. So, yesterday I searched the web for Last Supper images. I saw one by Da Vinci and read a bit about its restoration. Found a few sites that sell posters of it...then I moved on.

This morning, I turned on the TV while getting ready for work...which I do maybe once a month at most. I walk into the bathroom and kind of hear someone say something about Da Vinci...so I run back into the bedroom and see that the Today Show is broadcasting from Milan, Italy, before the Olympics this w/e, and Katie Couric is talking about Da Vinci paintings...moments later she's inside an old monastery or convent talking about this large image painted on the wall...it's Da Vinci's Last Supper. She proceeds to talk about the restoration, it's meaning etc.

You decide...pure coincidence that I'm reading about it, looking for it's image and then it's shown to me live on TV?

Eulogy by Melissa

Over the next few days/weeks, I intend to post the eulogies that were read at Christine's funeral...this is from Melissa, Christine's 21-year-old cousin.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Precious Christine,

You are the most special girl I have ever had the pleasure to know. You are the little sister I never had and always wanted. I have always cherished every moment I had with you. I had a feeling that when your mom was regnant with you that you were going to be a girl. I was so excited because FINALLY I wouldn't be the only girl in the family anymore, 17 years with out you was enough! I loved coming and babysitting for you. It was always such a pleasure because you were such a good baby. I loved getting to watch you grow and develop into the person you are today. For instance it was just too adorable when you would call yourself Teeny. Every time I see you I become more and more proud of you. I will never forget our visits when I came back for a break from school and got to play with you. I keep many pictures of
you there so I can still look at and brag to my friends about my beautiful cousin and believe me I do it quite often. You are also the best big sister Lauren could ever ask for and I am sure you will always look out for her. It is obvious how much you love her. If I am ever blessed with a daughter I will be so lucky if she is just half the person you are. I love you so much.

Love always and forever,
Melissa

Who’s Larry?

On Saturday night last w/e, C and I went out to dinner with our neighbors (10 couples). If I’ve not noted it here before, I’ll note it here now…*we have great neighbors*. After Christine’s wake/funeral, C and I were told by many family and friends ‘what great neighbors you have’. It is so true!

Chris organized a great evening out! First we met at her house to gather and mingle. Had a nice glass of wine and then we were off in the rain. It's so nice that so many couples can get together like that. Anyway, once we arrived at Maggiano's, we began to socialize. Chris came over to our table and recalled a story of when she saw Charlie in the liquor store months back...she ran up to him and said 'hey Larry, how are you?' Larry, who the hell was Larry...we all cracked up picturing poor Charlie trying to figure out what was going on. The rest of the evening--he was Larry!

Our neighbors have all have been so supportive these last few months. They all came over to the house a week or so after the funeral to present us with a framed certificate of sorts that stated they wanted to buy and plant a tree in our yard in memory of Christine...so special.

I cornered *Larry the Landscaper*, hey that works, to tell him about an idea I had about a tree and he mentioned that he's got a great idea in mind and that he could not share it at that moment. He spoke of how every plant in his house means something to him in regards to someone he's lost...Father, Grandmother etc. I teared up a bit. I told him about the tree Oak Ridge Cemetery wants to plant for Christine as well. I teared up more thinking of that. He grabbed and hugged me saying, 'We love you so much!' I teared even more and he said, ' and here we go...I want old Marty back...look what you do to me (as he teared up)'. --Something like that. Anyway, I know what he meant. He wanted to see the funny/upbeat guy he spent vacation with back in August. I'm not that guy and may never be that guy again...things are not the same. That's not to say there won't be good times ahead, just not that night.

So, this spring, we look forward to learning what is planned for this new tree...you go Larry!

Chris--thanks for organizing a great evening...even if it did not look like it, C & I enjoyed the night out and look forward to many more. Sorry we did not get to chat with you more.

John 3:16

At todays super bowl game, we're bound to see that sign in the crowd--John 3:16...or am I thinking about the times I saw it at football games 20 years ago. Anyway, if you see it, think of this story that someone sent me recently.

John 3:16
A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner, the people were in and out of the cold.

The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell many papers.

He walked up to a policeman and said, "Mister, you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you?

You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight.

Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."

The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come out the door you just say John 3:16, and they will let you in."

So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said, "John 3:16." The lady said, "Come on in, Son."

She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself: John 3:16...I don't understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm.





Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?" He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food."

The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat any more. Then he thought to himself: John 3:16...Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure makes a hungry boy full.

She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16... I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out. The lady came in and got him.


She took him to a room, tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself: John 3:16...I don't understand it but it sure makes a tired boy rested.

The next morning the lady came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food. After he ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the fireplace and picked up a big old Bible.

She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face. "Do you understand John 3:16?" she asked gently. He replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it," She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there and thought: John 3:16 -- don't understand it, but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe.

You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing. I don't understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die. I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end. I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.




John 3:16, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

ABC's of Grief..."C" -again

C: Compassion...at mass tonight, Fr. Bernie spoke of compassion in his homily. This time, instead of speaking directly to me, he was speaking right to our great neighbors and friends.

He spoke of how much compassion he's witnessed from the St. Ray's community over the last few months...then he began to sight instances. Just as he began to list them, I knew what he would say and it was the very first instance he sighted...'the compassion neighbors and friends have shown a young couple who've lost a child'---man---I began to cry right then...we'll I had already been weeping (but only out of one eye--Laura I'm a freak too) and that statement hit me hard and I almost burst out into full blown blubbering. I knew he was talking specifically about our friends and neighbors. Unfortunately, I don't think many of them were at this mass. I hope they hear it at another mass. I may have mentioned it already in this blog, but we have spectacular neighbors and friends around us! They've shown us such great compassion and support over these last 14 weeks, it's hard to describe...thank you all for everything you've done for us!!!

Fr. also spoke of the compassion shown to the parish of St. Ann's--knew he'd mention that as well. He asked that we all evaluate our lives and where compassion fits in...truly a timely homily--but then again, they all are, if only we listen.

Living life to the fullest...Grandma Tully

A neighbor and good friend of mine lost his Grandmother this week...she lived to be 105 years old! Although I've never met her, I get a nice warm feeling reading these articles about her life. It seems that she lived life to the fullest every day, believed in God deeply and spent her life committed to family and friends. She will be missed by so many--but now she can enjoy eternal life with God and my precious Christine.

Suntimes Link

Tribune Link

Obit Link

Mike, please know that we will pray for you, your Grandmother and your family as you say goodbye to Grandma Tully this w/e. May the good Lord bless you and yours in this difficult time.

Booster shot

That was the sports page headline from the Tribune today in reference to the ILLINI beating Wisconsin in Madison last night. Has a double meaning for me today!

It's not often I get to spend quality one-on-one/alone time with close friends...usually we're in a group of 6 to 20 peeps and I get a chance to chat with each person for only a few minutes here and there--a group dynamic is somehow different (I'm recalling my college psychology class now).

I was lucky enough to fall into a pair of free tickets (thanks Jill and Sean) to the game early yesterday and had only an hour or so to find someone to *bail from work* and drive 130 miles (each way) to see a game that we might lose. I of course have a short list of key peeps who would want to go, but could they pull the trigger and make it happen in an hour...well Brian did, and I'm truly glad he did.

On the way up we spent time talking about the new venture his wife (and he) are embarking on, which is starting today--good luck Sods--you'll do great! In short, if you need any type of insurance—she’s the woman to call!

Then on the way home, after discussion about the game highlights, the topic moved toward Christine and how we're coping these days.

I recall the day Christine died, our close friends caravaned over to the house to comfort us...Brian did not say much that afternoon, but did not need to--he was there, that's all that mattered. Since then, we've not had a chance to chat alone about *things* so now we had two hours to do that. I'm always hesitant to bring it up for fear that whoever I'm talking with may not want to talk about it, so I did not force the conversation and let him ask what he wanted to...he broke the ice with a few questions regarding a few posts I've made here.

One in particular, was in regards to my Monday *Bitter* rant last week. We spoke about it and discussed the issue of was/am I bitter, edgy, short-fused, other or all of the above. It's really hard for me to separate all those out, but I explained to him that I was bitter, since work took me away from Christine and the family so much over the last 2 years. Also short fused/edgy with certain things as well. I feel them all some time or another. As of 10.30.05, I'm a different person...*things*, work, play, relationships--all are new and being redefined.

We also spoke of the support groups C and I have attended and the counseling we plan to attend (if we find the right person/fit). I noted the benefits of the group dynamic with Willow House and Compassionate Friends and also the one-on-one get togethers/lunch we've had with members of these groups and other members of this club…all are very helpful. It’s also helpful to talk to an old friend about all the things swirling around us these days…uncertainty, sadness, pain, etc…and that’s what we were doing.

We also spoke of why I started a blog and not just a personal handwritten journal or Word doc/file on my PC. It took me a few seconds to answer in a few different ways. I first told him I find it easy to use the blog site to organize my thoughts and it gives me the ability to access it from work, home, on the road etc… no baggage to lug around in case I want to refer back to an entry…it’s always out there.

‘But why in a public way?’, is what I think he was asking. At first, I’d not intended to invite others to read, but as some *new blog friends* found me and provided support/written comments, I did/do found it to be very helpful to receive feedback and support. As others asked about the blog (after I mentioned it, I guess), I found myself wanting to share it, so that others understood the journey and get an insight into my thoughts etc. As my sister stated yesterday "I think the blog in and of itself is therapeutic and healing. I know that it also helps those around you know where you are "at" mentally." I spoke a bit, (or longer) about how some of my new blogger friends came to be…I find it amazing that these people take time to *read-me* and provide support…proves to me that there are good people everywhere! Thank you all!

Some place in the conversation, Brian noted the spiritual tone of some of my posts and stated that he did not know that about me…even though we’ve known each other for almost 20 years. I guess we share certain times and events with friends and family and no one persons knows *all about us*. I’ve always believed in the God Almighty, growing up in a loving catholic family, attending all catholic schools until the U of I, attending a Christian Family Camp for a week for a few summers, attending a Teen’s Encounter Christ (TEC) w/e in High School etc…these things all happened before I met Brian, but as of last night he now knows more about those days in my life. He asked how the Bible reading was going and noted that he’s thought about reading it as well—that, I did not know.

Then, before I knew it, we were just miles from the exit where we had parked his car--110 miles had just flown by. Booster shot--that's how I felt this morning--like I got a booster shot of energy...not just because of the big win (which was very very nice!), but because of the time spent with a good friend. Brian--thanks for listening and sharing…you’re a great friend!