Music & Mass
As I finished up the post below (veterans) this afternoon, I listened to the CD Jeff sent me this week...I'd listened to some of it off and on yesterday--but today, with the house empty, I listened to it straight through. Jeff, I cried *hard* for a solid 30 minutes or more...about half the CD. And then I wept at other parts. After that, I put in the CD my brother Paul gave me with Catholic Hymn songs...and am finishing that one now. I again, began to cry at some of the songs, as some of them were sung at the funeral or they just got to me. Now I’m wrapping it all up with a little Hi God CD…can’t wait to get all these on my new IPOD—Tess can you help me there? Thanks to Paul and Jeff for this music.
Last night, at the mass for Christine, I think I cried for the entire celebration—1.25 hrs. We asked a neighbor kid to come over to watch Lauren so we could concentrate on listening to God. Our friends Mike and Deb and family joined us…and I am glad they did…but once again am so sorry to bring tears to their eyes. As I looked their way during various parts of the mass, sign of peace etc., I saw their tears--and now here I go crying again! Anyway, it breaks me up to think of how this has affected them and many others. Sorry.
At the closing song, I held one of Christine’s little white slippers in my palm (that I still have in my coat pockets) and then held hands with C—she had to do a double take to see what it was. We both wept.
After mass, we saw some other neighbors and chatted a bit about what was on tap for the evening & w/e. I’d recently shared this blog with Mike and Deb, and so Mike told me how it affected him as he read it the night before…once again, I’m so very sorry and touched at the same time. Their support and friendship is never ending—thank you.
Fr. Phil’s sermon was once again directed right at me. I hung on every word he spoke…I’d read the readings for the week/Sunday which was the basis for his sermon…what is our calling? how did we get where we are? how did we choose to become engineers, doctors etc? are we listening to the Lord? what things have happened in our life to guide us certain directions? Makes me think and contemplate.
At the end of mass, two parishioners spoke about the upcoming Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat w/e’s—one for men and one for women. I’ve wanted to attend this w/e now for the last two years, but because of work commitments, I’ve not been able to take the time. Recently a woman mentioned to us that she had attended one and that the w/e one attends a CRHP is the one they were intended to attend. I believe I’ll be attending this year.
posted by Bike @ 2:00 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Just read all your stories the last two days and how touching it was for me as for Mike. I cried a lot for yours & C's pain. Just to let you know it has been hard to get through a mass ever since Christine's been gone. Last night I felt safe at mass and more in control thinking that this was her helping me to sing with a tear here and there. Then you held our daughters hand and I lost it again. I know that was so hard and that part of mass was her favorite. Never be sorry for your tears and everyone elses this will go on for a long time. Wish you guys could join us in Mexico so you guys could get away. That retreat will be good for you guys. Will always be there for you guys and will continue to pray for your peace. DC
I agree, there's no need to apologize for your tears, or for the sorrow which may be experienced by others. Without love, sorrow wouldn't exist, and love is the greatest gift. JJS
MPM,
Thanks for inviting into your blog. C forwarded it to me Thursday. This is all new to me. I have been reading/reflecting on your entries since you began this.
I have not seen/talked to you since Christmas Day. I felt your pain and sorrow that day. I knew you were dreading the holiday. I did not know from day to day what was happening, but I sure was glad to see you walk through our front door on 12/25, even though I'm sure you didn't want to be here.
On 12/24, C gave SB, LP and I the picture frames. I didn't open it until we got home.....I knew it was going to be Christine related, but I wasn't sure what......I cried big time when I opened it. I went to Midnight mass alone that night........even though the mass was 1/2 english and 1/2 spanish and the singing was subpar, it felt good to be around other believers.
A few days before Christmas, MA and I drove to Wheaton to a gift shop. Our friends Jim and Linda had told us about this store that had ornaments, Merry Christmas from Heaven. (Their first borns were twins, and the female died a couple days after birth) Even though I thought that someone may have already gotten one like it for you, it helped me and made me feel better just to do it, even though the $$ of it was overpriced! Sometimes, $$ is NOT a factor! So, I gave that to C on 12/24 also!
I do want to share with you, after one of your recent blog entries about the star named for Christine, that Mel spent some time on the internet searching out the companies that offer this service. I did not think it was appropriate for a Christmas present, and thought about giving it to you on Christine's next birthday......anyways, it is the thought that counts!
I do not know if C mentioned this to you, but a friend of ours, Gerry, (my friend Janis's cousin)died of cancer this week. Diagnosed in November, right after he came back from his wedding in Germany to Olga. When I found out that the visitation was going to be at Friedrich's Funeral Home, I couldn't believe it, but then I remembered that his parents live and own a flower shop in Mt. P.
Anyways, it was very tough being in the same funeral home room that I was in just a little over two months ago. I talked to the parents and sister and brother-in-law, who all work at the flower shop, as they informed Janis that they remembered completing some flower arrangements for Christine, and made sure they put "extra" flowers in a child's arrangement.
M, you are not going to remember all the details of the early AM of 10/30, but one thing I distinctly remember you saying to me is that you did NOT want a funeral home full of flowers for Christine. Well, there were alot, but not too many. My point is that when I was there tonight, you would not have believed all of the flower arrangements, all different sizes and styles, absolutely gorgeous. People need to do what they need to do, and when they want to express their sorrow/sadness to a family, this is one way to do it. FYI, SB took pictures/videos on 11/1 in the funeral home.
DJA
DC, JJS & DJA---thanks for all the comments. Was a hard day...tomorrow must be better.
MPM
Always think of better days to come in time. Time is all we have to love the ones we have in our life. So hug your little one until your blue in the face because she needs the both of you so much. Give C all you can and it will bring you guys closer then you have ever been. If you ever get the chance to listen to Angels Among Us by Alabama please do, it changed my life 10 yrs. ago when my Anut had cancer come into her life. That is where I came to this name because it reminds me of her and many others now too. Your friend DC.
Marty,
I read your blog post tonight and I am glad that you were able to use some of the songs to work out some of your grief. This process will continue, as you know, for the rest of your life until you are reunited with Christine. I listen to at least one or two of these songs each day when commuting to work, etc. and they always bring tears to my eyes to think of your loss.
Now, let me tell you about what you have done for me. I keep reading your blogs and have been moved by the faith you have in God and how you look to him for guidance and peace throughout your grieving. I have been thinking to myself that really, in a situation like this, the only consolation I think I could find would have to be from God above because the amount of pain that a loss like this creates must be very near the limits of what we can handle. I guess God knows about this, because he gave his only son. I am not so sure I could do the same thing. My faith is weak, but I am working on it. Because of a lot of what I have been reading on your blog, I felt compelled to call a friend of mine who is a priest to discuss life, loss, grief and God's love for his children. He is the same priest that baptized me as a Catholic when I converted to Catholicism in my youth. I asked him to hear my confession this coming Wednesday evening. It has been 20 years since I have last been to confession and taken the sacrament of Communion. So thank you Christine and thank you Marty because out of all of this a long lost sheep is coming home.
Peace,
jsg
JSG,
That is so touching! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this week as you meet with your Priest.
MPM
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