L O S S

Shouldn’t there be a word all unto itself to describe certain loss, frankly speaking the loss of a child? Loss has many connotations: debt, defeat, failure, etc. To express the loss of a child, there should be a word defining that only. Just one word that would be identifiable to the awful sadness and emptiness only a parent can experience when their child dies. This word would be hard to pronounce not because of its spelling, but due to its meaning. It would be spoken with a quiet, reverent voice and only if necessary. This would be the word that one would dread to use or hear amongst their family. This word could have no synonym. It would be among the English languages’ most dreadful words. When spoken, it would quiet a room bringing tears to the eyes of a stranger and heaviness to even the coldest heart. A word that would carry such terror even when whispered, could only define "death of a child."

--Patty Schiller--

(as printed in the Compassionate Friends (SanFran) 1/2-09 newsletter and written by my friend Patty)

Reading December 2005

I 'tried' to read the postings from three years ago on the day that they occurred...but that did not happen. I did read all the posts ... just at different times. Caught up with Dec '05 yesterday...some hard things to read for sure. I went into this 're-read' with a very open mind, thinking it would be an easy read...come on, three years have past. Well, it's a bit harder to recall those memories/feelings than I originally thought. The pain is still sharp when reminded of the loss...it is a different view I take of the pain now that three years have past and I know I'm not the only parent who has lost a child...my perspective is new, my awareness is better, but the pain remains.
Time does not heal, it is what we do with the time that begins to heal the broken heart...and my time spent in prayer, my time spent in Church...my time with God has been the healer...and no one else. Others may say they know, but they do not...and I pray that they do not ever know. As a friend said in a card, 'keep the faith'...and that's what I intend to do as I continue to read the postings of January 2006 now.