Booster shot

That was the sports page headline from the Tribune today in reference to the ILLINI beating Wisconsin in Madison last night. Has a double meaning for me today!

It's not often I get to spend quality one-on-one/alone time with close friends...usually we're in a group of 6 to 20 peeps and I get a chance to chat with each person for only a few minutes here and there--a group dynamic is somehow different (I'm recalling my college psychology class now).

I was lucky enough to fall into a pair of free tickets (thanks Jill and Sean) to the game early yesterday and had only an hour or so to find someone to *bail from work* and drive 130 miles (each way) to see a game that we might lose. I of course have a short list of key peeps who would want to go, but could they pull the trigger and make it happen in an hour...well Brian did, and I'm truly glad he did.

On the way up we spent time talking about the new venture his wife (and he) are embarking on, which is starting today--good luck Sods--you'll do great! In short, if you need any type of insurance—she’s the woman to call!

Then on the way home, after discussion about the game highlights, the topic moved toward Christine and how we're coping these days.

I recall the day Christine died, our close friends caravaned over to the house to comfort us...Brian did not say much that afternoon, but did not need to--he was there, that's all that mattered. Since then, we've not had a chance to chat alone about *things* so now we had two hours to do that. I'm always hesitant to bring it up for fear that whoever I'm talking with may not want to talk about it, so I did not force the conversation and let him ask what he wanted to...he broke the ice with a few questions regarding a few posts I've made here.

One in particular, was in regards to my Monday *Bitter* rant last week. We spoke about it and discussed the issue of was/am I bitter, edgy, short-fused, other or all of the above. It's really hard for me to separate all those out, but I explained to him that I was bitter, since work took me away from Christine and the family so much over the last 2 years. Also short fused/edgy with certain things as well. I feel them all some time or another. As of 10.30.05, I'm a different person...*things*, work, play, relationships--all are new and being redefined.

We also spoke of the support groups C and I have attended and the counseling we plan to attend (if we find the right person/fit). I noted the benefits of the group dynamic with Willow House and Compassionate Friends and also the one-on-one get togethers/lunch we've had with members of these groups and other members of this club…all are very helpful. It’s also helpful to talk to an old friend about all the things swirling around us these days…uncertainty, sadness, pain, etc…and that’s what we were doing.

We also spoke of why I started a blog and not just a personal handwritten journal or Word doc/file on my PC. It took me a few seconds to answer in a few different ways. I first told him I find it easy to use the blog site to organize my thoughts and it gives me the ability to access it from work, home, on the road etc… no baggage to lug around in case I want to refer back to an entry…it’s always out there.

‘But why in a public way?’, is what I think he was asking. At first, I’d not intended to invite others to read, but as some *new blog friends* found me and provided support/written comments, I did/do found it to be very helpful to receive feedback and support. As others asked about the blog (after I mentioned it, I guess), I found myself wanting to share it, so that others understood the journey and get an insight into my thoughts etc. As my sister stated yesterday "I think the blog in and of itself is therapeutic and healing. I know that it also helps those around you know where you are "at" mentally." I spoke a bit, (or longer) about how some of my new blogger friends came to be…I find it amazing that these people take time to *read-me* and provide support…proves to me that there are good people everywhere! Thank you all!

Some place in the conversation, Brian noted the spiritual tone of some of my posts and stated that he did not know that about me…even though we’ve known each other for almost 20 years. I guess we share certain times and events with friends and family and no one persons knows *all about us*. I’ve always believed in the God Almighty, growing up in a loving catholic family, attending all catholic schools until the U of I, attending a Christian Family Camp for a week for a few summers, attending a Teen’s Encounter Christ (TEC) w/e in High School etc…these things all happened before I met Brian, but as of last night he now knows more about those days in my life. He asked how the Bible reading was going and noted that he’s thought about reading it as well—that, I did not know.

Then, before I knew it, we were just miles from the exit where we had parked his car--110 miles had just flown by. Booster shot--that's how I felt this morning--like I got a booster shot of energy...not just because of the big win (which was very very nice!), but because of the time spent with a good friend. Brian--thanks for listening and sharing…you’re a great friend!