ABC's of Grief, by MPM

I started this post (below) on Dec 14th, thinking I would take one word for every letter of the alphabet and define it as I know/experience it now as part of the grief process...well, I started with A and have not added to the list since. I'm posting A now since it fit's with yesterdays *outburst*...I will continue to add words, trying to select one or two for each letter trying to keep them in order...may take me all year, but will be interesting to review weeks/years later.

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I'm making all this up as I go along here...I've read some printed materials on the matter, attended one support group meeting, spoken to priests and parish peeps, but this is how I define the ABC's of this unbearable sorrow and suffering: Well--here goes--may not be pretty at times--not sure what I'm about to let flow---

A: Anger...boy was I (and still am I guess) angry, but at who? C and I immediately spoke of not being angry at each other--for not doing more...but at the time, 3:00 a.m. in the morning that's all you think about...Why? I still think of why we could not have done more and that makes me angry...some anger at God as to why he took such a perfect little angel from this earth. And she was....
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--that's where I ended it on 12/14...still feeling the anger, but it's different now.
M