WH II -- Bitterness vs. Compassionate
Over the w/e, I recalled that C had mentioned this subject matter at WH on Thursday. She was wondering about herself...weather she'd be one or the other. The group discussed times when we’d be one or the other.
After the funeral, I noted to a few peeps as they left our house, that I was afraid I'd become totally bitter...not certain how that would play out...but I think it has today. That day, my friends stated that they did not believe that I would become bitter...there was no discussion of compassion, since all I brought up was bitterness. I've seen some more compassionate moments (from me) in the last 12 weeks, for those who've lost someone or for someone having a bad day...probably more aware of those things, so I respond.
But today, at work, I'm BITTER (peeved, angry etc)! (I think it started last Friday and has continued through the w/e to today). When my boss chews my ass out for something that is my responsibility, I would typically follow-up pseudo-nicely with others to get issues resolved. My project management style had been to discuss issues of importance with others calmly--no more--now I find myself saying "get it done or else"...why should I continue to take the heat for their incompetence or lack of planning. I think I have been doing that for some time now. No longer!! It does bother me that I am now the jackass boss pushing others to get it done or else. I used to give them enough rope/slack to hang themselves...and now they have. I've heard a few peeps *moaning* to others (thinking they are outside of earshot) about my reminder email this morning for action today-that I requested Friday...so be it. Do your damn job and get me what I need to feed the boss and we'll all be happy.
Since crap flows down hill, I'm now going to push others to get their job done when I specify it or else. I'm not taking the heat any longer...no more mister nice guy. I guess that's the bitterness I was afraid of.
There probably is a middle of the road to take here, but I can't find it today. Stay the HELL out of my way.
On a lighter note, the jerk at the top of the heap, the Executive Director of the client I've worked many overtime hours for, for the last 2 years, just quit...gave notice to his boss the Gov--he wants to spend more time with his family...wish I could have done that two years ago. Life is unfair!
posted by Bike @ 12:00 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
OK, my friend, here's the deal: You are not bitter or a jackass for expecting people to do their jobs! On the other hand, I think anger is one of the emotions you can probably expect to encounter within your grief. I don't blame you. It's not fair and it never, ever will be. Experience it when you need to, but don't let it eat you up. JJS
Let's have lunch again soon. From a fellow Berghoffer.
I don't think this is you. I think you stepped away momentarily. I don't think this is the way that God would want you to deal with it. Regroup, reorganize, and recommit to a living a life that is part of the blessing of being one of God's children. He loves you and so do I. Sods
Thanks all...I needed to vent badly and still do. I still need to pursue some of what is noted above, but of course at a tempered level.
M
M--I'm guessing this is only a stage along this journey you've been forced to take. You need to be angry right now and the people at work are right there for you. I think that in time your strong reactions will be tempered with more--can't think of the right word--gentleness. I think it's a big thing that you've already noticed the change in yourself and are questioning it. J
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