Christmas without our Angel
Christine,
This Christmas, I do not feel like celebrating (opening gifts, gathering with family) without you...however, I do feel the deep need to celebrate Christ's birth at mass tonight and tomorrow. My senses are ultra-heightened these days and I'm very saddened at how much the media hypes the gift giving vs. the birth of Christ...it truly saddens me! I think I’ve always felt that way, but this week I really feel it.
I know you would have loved to open any gift you got--remember sitting on the couch and going through the Sunday flyers looking and circling the toys you liked, asking for that and writing it down on Santa’s list…Then you would have loved going to celebrate mass with us:
--sitting in the pew like a perfect angel
--*reading* the song book
--asking me to take you to the restroom—then you’d cover your ears because the flush was so loud
--holding hands during the Our Father, raising them high
--and giving the sign of peace to everyone around us…
You knew it was Jesus’ birthday, not just a gift giving day.
I do know that others-family, friends-are hurting as I am, I know I should be thankful for those gifts of family and friends that I do have, but for some reason, I want to *suffer* alone tonight. Those plants/vines from our balcony, that we were going to transplant into pots, been sitting in the bathtub for 8 weeks, maybe *we’ll* do that tonight. I’ll keep those vines alive forever.I lit the 19 luminaries one last time tonight (been doing it all week). Seems fitting that it’s lightly raining out…the skies are crying too. They are lighting the way for you and Jesus to come home tomorrow. I know in your class at school, they only count to 19 now with out you there and the kids ask ‘when can we count to 20 again’--they truly miss you! It’s amazing that there just happen to be 19 on our property…God knew.
I have no idea how we’re going to get through the next 40 years with out you!! But I’ll continue to see you in your sister Lauren, as I did when she napped on my chest this afternoon. Please look out for her and keep her close to you.
As I say every evening, ‘Good night Christine, I miss you, I love you and I’m so sorry.'
Daddy
posted by Bike @ 5:22 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
This will be one of the saddest days for you and your family.
At church last Sunday, the "teacher" was walking through what Christmas means for her. She talked about family and children and the gift giving, of course. But then she got to talking about how the birth of Christ changed her. She wondered what her life would be like if Christ had never been born. What would it be like if God had never come to Earth and walked through life in a human body? Christ gave us a direct line to God, so to speak. Through Christ, God understands exactly what you're going through and can feel it too.
My favorite Christmas carol is "O Holy Night". I love to hear that sung by a choir. And I LOVE the lyrics:
O Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Til he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh hear the angels' voices! O night divine. Oh night when Christ was born.
Merry Christmas, Marty!
Merry Christmas Marty and family. Will be thinking of and praying for you and Christine this holiday.
Merry Christmas to you & your family. I am so sorry too. For all of us.
Merry Christmas Mueller's. We're praying for you. As I sat in midnight mass, I couldn't help but think that Christine and Ema are playing together and watching over all of us. The Annunziata's
Dude-
She is in our thoughts and prayers too!!!
DV
Thank you all for taking time (from your busy days and families) to think of us today...it means a lot. It's been nice with Lauren, but with a very sad undertone.
We are about to head out to the cemetery...always said I would not go much, because her spirit is more in our house/yard & hearts.
Have a Merry Christmas ALL!!
Marty, Carolyn and family and friends,
Brian and I are thinking of each of you today. God be with you and yours today and for the next 40 years and more. Sods
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M-
It was good to talk to you last night and remember together what we're all missing. I'm always thinking of you guys.
J
This Christmas season clearly is difficult for you and your family, but by reading your reflections about Christine, it is clear you handling the grief in a very healthy manner.
When I lost my father and brother in a nine-month span, it was difficult to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I thought we had to make an effort. I, too, found that getting back to the basics -- the reasons for the celebrations, not the commercialization -- made these holidays special again.
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