Do's and Don'ts (and thank yous)

My sis Tess forwarded me a link to an insightful site last night about "The Death Of A Child - The Grief Of The Parents: A Lifetime Journey" and I quickly focused on this section (I'll be reading the entire 16 pages tonight on the train ride home).

When trying to comfort grieving parents

DO:

• Acknowledge the child's death by telling the parents of your sadness for them and by expressing love and support; try to provide comfort.
• Visit and talk with the family about the child who died; ask to see pictures or mementos the family may have.
• Extend gestures of concern such as bringing flowers or writing a personal note expressing your feelings; let the parents know of your sadness for them.
• Attend the child's funeral or memorial service.
• Remember anniversaries and special days.
• Donate to some specific memorial in honor of the child. Offer to go with the parent(s) to the cemetery in the days and weeks after the funeral, or find other special ways to extend personal and sensitive gestures of concern.
• Make practical and specific suggestions, such as offering to stop by at a convenient time, bringing a meal, purchasing a comforting book, offering to take the other children for a special outing, or treating the mother or father to something special.
• Respect the dynamics of each person's grief. The often-visible expressions of pain and confusion shown by grieving parents are normal. Grief is an ongoing and demanding process.
  

DO NOT:

• Avoid the parents or the grief. Refrain from talking about the child who died or referring to the child by name.
• Impose your views or feelings on the parents or set limits for them about what is right or appropriate behavior.
• Wait for the parents to ask for help or tell you what they need.
• Tell them you know just how they feel.
• Be afraid to let the parents cry or to cry with them.

The main reason I post this is to let you, who read this blog, know that you are doing the right things!! Posting comments to this blog, sending me emails, calling me/us to chat/listen/cry, stopping by the house to just be with us and listen and most importantly, keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Special thanks to Patty, who knows my/our pain and seems to always say the right things, Dave, who has much pain of his own these days and still finds time to comfort me, Teresa, who fights her own battle bravely and provides great wisdom, Jennifer and Laura, fellow bloggers, who I sprung this issue on last month, and have provide great support here and via email/IM'ing. And of course a thank you to Christine and JC himself for giving us the strength to get up and endure every day.

I/we really appreciate the continued support. As time marches forward, I'm sure other family/friends will be reading this blog and so here's a shout out to them for all the food you've given us, the comforting reading material, the kind notes, the counseling options, all the calls and continued thoughts and prayers...keep them coming.

Thank You ALL!!!