Christine is among us

As I skipped the Christmas Eve gathering at my s-i-l's, and potted the plants and went to church, I was hoping for a sign that Christine was *around*...here's what I observed.

The entrance to the church was lit with more luminaries than we had on our block the previous week--just beautiful! I watched the entrance procession as a cute little blond girl carried in the baby Jesus...wondering how nice it would be if Christine could have done that someday. What a great honor for that child and family to take part in the mass that way. We have a very large faith community at St. Ray's, so I knew it was special to be chosen of all the families to take part in such a way on Christmas Eve. The sermon was by Fr. Phil, whom I first spoke to at church that fateful morning. He began to speak about the song Silent Night...saying, *how could it be so silent, with all the animals in the manger, labor/birth of a child etc.* I found it nice that he was talking about the song we had just sung at the luminary lighting the week before. There are lots of good Christmas songs to choose from and he chose that one...and of course it was sung during communion.

On Christmas morning I went to the 7:30 mass. Instead of using the stairs, I walked up the newly constructed ramp to the entrance of the church as Christine loved to do--a bit out of her way, but she liked it-so I did it for her for the first time that morning. Fr. Tom spoke of the different paths we are on, and what path led those to the manger that night. I listened and found him speaking to me. I had just taken a different path to the church entrance moments earlier... we would typically just let Christine run over to the ramp and walk it herself--we would not do it with her, but that morning I did. They did not sing Silent Night...so I was a bit disappointed. There was no procession with baby Jesus either.

Carolyn went to the 9:30 mass and was approached after communion, as she sat alone in the pew, by our good friend Fran, our daycare sitter for Christine/Lauren...she sat with her and held her hand till the end of mass. Turns out one of her daughters had fainted at mass and so she took her to the back of the church for water and then spotted Carolyn...otherwise she would have not seen her from the other side of the church.

Our friend Laura (organized the luminary lighting), mother of little Rosie, Christine's good friend/classmate on the block, left us a voicemail about her experience at 11:15 mass. She said Rosie and her had gone up to the manger to say a prayer for Christine, when Deacon John came up to them and asked if Rosie would carry the baby Jesus in the procession and lay him in the manger...that made me cry...Rosie was chosen...what an honor. They did sing Silent Night and Angels We Have Heard on High.

My sister spoke of her experience at mass at home with my parents and brother...they sang both Silent Night and Go Tell It On The Mountain...the only two songs we sang at the luminary lighting.

As I reflect on all of this, I know that Christine was there with us all at each mass.

The first item on Christine's Christmas list was a new pair of white slippers...prompted by mom or sore feet from too small a fit. Anyway, as I was getting ready for mass on Christmas Eve, I saw the small slippers with her socks, cloths etc. to be boxed for the attic. I put them in my coat pockets and took them to both masses. One of her favorite things to do was to wear one white slipper and one pink slipper...gotta find that picture.

On Christmas day, Lauren opened her presents, w/o her big sister to help her...but Christine must have been there. Just weeks earlier, Lauren did not find much interest in opening her birthday gifts but now she was on board---ripped them open and wanted the toy inside...not just the box and wrapping paper. Thank you Christine for watching out for her.

For the first time, C & I made our way to the cemetery that afternoon. We laid a red rose for Christine and her grandfather and great-grandmother. C and I hugged and cried as C said she did not think it would be this difficult...it will never be easy.

On Christmas day/evening, I continued to light the luminaries, but now just one. I will continue to do so each evening this week...just reminds me that you are among us!