4-ever-4

Ok...here it is, the day I've dreaded for 34 weeks...the day we should celebrate your birth. I may ramble on here, since I've had so many blog ideas run through my head the last few weeks on what I should say today... and now it's unrehearsed and unscripted...free-flow at 1 a.m.

First, I want to say the standard:

Christine, I love you, I miss you and I'm so sorry we've lost you...and here come the tears at 1 a.m.

I spent last night (moments ago) at the b'ball game with friends (thanks Brian, Gregg and Steve) watching the damn Cards loose to the Sox. I recall making light of the evening and keeping the guys laughing...I could only do that with you by my side--thanks!

On the long train ride home, I began to reflect on what came next...in a short hour it would be the 22nd...I sat on a packed train, full of joyous Sox fans, with me crying out the window. Before the tears came, I called Sods to let he know Brian was on his way---she was sleeping already and so I kept it short. But I knew I needed to call someone to talk. C was still out for the evening and so on to plan B...who could I call this late? I had a few peeps in mind (Bone you were one) and decided I needed to talk to my best man/friend Mark. Others have looked me square in the face and said call me night or day any time...believe me, your time is coming/near.

Mark answered right away so I knew he was up...I broke down after a bit telling him this really sucked...he was right there with me...helping me see the bigger picture that God has planned for us...(and so I cry again here---%^&@) He said some pretty insightful things about the meaning behind this life I now lead and the impact it has had on so many. Much like my very spiritual brother, he seems to know exactly what to say when...I appreciate that from him and Paul. I'm not certain I could do that on a cold call from a guy crying into the phone on a train ride home...

Forgive me as this blog may be filled with many typing errors...eyes are filled with tears and fingers are weary.....................

I chatted w/ Mark the rest of the train ride home...what a great friend! Mark, your friendship means the world to me! I want to thank you for being at the other end of that late call 2 hours ago...and for saying what you said...you are a blessing in my life.

After the train, I expected to drive home, but I saw a neighbor at the bar across the street...so I went to say hi and saw a few more neighbors and friends...was a nice way to cap off the night with women who care about me...thanks Donna, MB, Peggy, Celine, Mary and many others. They all said they'd come by to see us today...so nice.

Well, where was I ... I had so many grand ideas of how I wanted this blog entry to be on this day...it sure was not to be an early morning rambling of this sort...I will tell the story of your coming to us another time...way too hard to even begin now.

As C and I said as we walked into the FH on 11/1/05, Christine, please help us get through this difficult time. You really did that for the wake and funeral, now we need your support for today.

You would have been 5, but you are forever 4...(4-ever-4)