'I need to be stronger...'

Those were the words of a good friend and co-worker of mine on Tuesday at work.

We both had similar slacks/shirt on that day, and so we were joking about that, talking about billings for projects (boring work stuff) and all was well...he left my cube and returned about 3 minutes later...?

As I finished typing an email, with my back to him sitting in the chair, I continued to joke about something or another...I turned to him and he was trying to say something serious, but was choking on his words and fighting back his tears...that was a tough moment for him more than I---a brief glimpse at why people do not approach me about Christine these days...I think I understand now that it is just as hard for others to *talk about it* as they think it is for me...but it's not for me...crying is fine.

Anyway, he tried to spit out that he knew Christine's birthday was coming up, that he did not want the day to pass by w/o saying something and that he was there for me...he said about two words, choked up, said a few more and then I was right there with him shedding a few tears...then he finally said, 'I need to be stronger...' I immediately said 'no you do not...I've cried here in this cube with others and it's OK...' I tried to let him know that it was fine to express emotions and that crying is OK.

Although he's about 8 years younger than I, we became close because of our alumni connection, and because we both had our first child the summer of 2001. His son was born just 2 months after Christine. After my family, he was the first person I called that glorious day in June 2001.

After we muscled past the emotions, I told him our tentative plans for her birthday...of course no work, a mass in the a.m., a trip to the cemetery (which happens to be about a mile from his home) and then open the remainder of the day. We would not be going to the Choo Choo restaurant as we had the previous three years, we would not be celebrating a 5th b'day, but rather find a way to stay strong for Lauren and enjoy the day with her.

I learned something about others and the way they deal with Christine's death that afternoon...I greatly appreciate Jeff's desire to say something, knowing he would breakdown and that would lead to me doing the same, and his openeness to say he's there for me/us--that was a special moment to share with a good friend. Thanks Jeff!

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PS: other friends of mine who have met Jeff, have said, 'that is a rock solid guy'--I have to agree.