...after the tree

Last night, after some neighbors came by to see the tree, it was time to clean up the yard and put the car away. C was out at a graduation party w/ Lill and Lauren and so it was just me.

For the first time since 10.30.05, I did something that Christine and I would do when we pulled the car into the garage...whenever she knew I was going out to pull it in, she had to come. She'd sit in the front seat, put on the seat belt and laid the seat back to relax. We'd typically drive once around the block once or she'd ask me to drive by Mikey and Emily's house since she began to miss them when they moved off our street last summer. Some times I would pretend I was lost and she would have to guide us back home.

Last night, I got in the car, laid down the passenger seat and took a long drive through the neighborhood...going by M & E's...sobbing the damn whole trip. I put my hand on the seat pretending to hold her hand...Along the way I saw neighbors out for an evening walk, playing in the yard and driving by me...don't think they knew I was a puddle. I was tempted to get out and sob in their arms, but thought that would be too much to ask them to bear. I'd already cried in the arms of six separate neighbors that day...talking about the garden, talking about the tree, talking about the funeral. It was a tough and beautiful day.